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Well, I knew it would eventually happen - I've received my first piece of fan mail! Caught by surprise, a good friend of mine who is aspiring to become a pro cyclist send me a thoughtful postcard about how his cycling career is coming along and how The Five Habits has been fueling his passion to "live the dream" as a professional bike racer. The sentiments reflected in the below postcard don't necessarily represent the opinions of K.P. Springfield in regards to the corporate world; but of course, it all depends on the company! Click on the thumbnails to see them full size.
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Do you feel like your workplace is akin to Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus (R3BC)? If so, check out the new "RIF (Reduction in Force) Morale Booster" video about a company that hired a balloon making clown to keep morale up while laying certain people off. The story was, if you got a balloon, you weren't getting the boot. Unfortunately, one unsuccessful slacker (played by K.P.) mistakenly got a balloon from the clown, and H.R. had to intervene. Yes folks, this scenario was actually inspired by a true story at K.P. Springfield's old job. No joking.
The other day my buddy Scooter, who is featured in The Five Habits, was thoughtful enough to forward me a copy of the song "My Cubicle". It is a parody of that gay popular song "You're Beautiful" by some pretty boy English singer with really cute hair and sensitive pouty lips. The lyrics address several of the grim realities of being a corporate employee. Although I must give credit to the creator (wish I had his name to give due props), if he were to just adopt Slackism, many of his workplace problems would be resolved. Below are the lyrics for your enjoyment.
My Cubicle
My job is stupid my day’s a bore,
Inside this office from eight to four
Nothin’ ever happens my life is pretty bland,
Pretending that I’m working, pray I don’t get canned.
My Cubicle, My cubicle
It’s One of Sixty two
It’s my small space in a crowded place
Just a six-by-six board booth
And I hate it that’s the truth
When I give a sigh as the boss walks by,
no one ever talks to me or looks me in the eye.
And I really should work but instead I just sit here and surf the Internet.
In My Cubicle, My cubicle
It doesn’t have a view.
It’s my small space in a crowded place
I sit in side there too.
And sometimes I sit here nude.
My most sincere apologies for not updating this site more than once per month, but I'm sure you understand. The other day I received one of the most irksome, depressing, and uncomfortably funny MP3s I've ever heard, and felt it must be shared with an audience. If you ever work for a company that promotes itself to employees with some cheeseball theme song using a four-on-the-floor gay Euro beat including lyrics like "total global integration" , "key industries" and increasing "cash flow", then please, do yourself a favor and either quit or take a long walk off a short pier. Your life has become completely nugatory. Without further ado, the theme to PricewaterhouseCoopers - God help them.
Okay, so it's been a few months since my last update. Does that surprise you? It shouldn't. I just wanted to let those loyal Slackism fans know that The 5 Habits should be out to print by January 2007. I will be self-publishing it through AuthorHouse. After querying multiple targeted New York book agents known for backing "edgy" material, they all responded with the typical generic rejection letters not even addressing my name. Maybe mine was too edgy? Regardless, they'll be donkey punching themselves soon enough for rejecting such a visionary. Keep on living the dream, and until next month - unless something noteworthy happens before then - slack on.
Happy New Year from the land of leisure! Finally, after endless rejections and comments from nebulous nay-sayers, The 5 Habits is available in print! Just go to our Purchase page, or you can go to the AuthorHouse website, click on "Bookstore" at the top, then type in K.P. Springfield. Once you've gotten through the book please, let me know your honest opinion. Remember, the more scathing, the better. But if you honestly liked it, then please let me know. I can only take so much negative criticism before I need some ego stroking, okay?
Well I'll be hogtied by an overachiever! Two updates within nearly two weeks. Things are starting to heat up over here at Slackism.com. I had the recent pleasure of being included in an eWeek article by Deborah Perelman about the merits of successful slacking. I expect this to be one of many interviews to come as the advent of Slackism spreads like a fungus. Now enjoy the article and tell your friend(s) - parenthesis indicate your relative popularity.
I know what you're thinking. "By God," you say. "It's been four months since he updated this site!" Yes, and it's probably been four months since you last visited it, so enough with your groaning. As you can see, we did a complete book re-design, and I am MUCH happier with how it looks. Thanks so much to my friend, Jenny Petter for creating the masterpiece. The 5 Habits is now actually approaching the vicinity of professional, but don't worry, it's still rife with slacker errors. Otherwise, it wouldn't be fitting.
Well, the wife and I are back from two-month trip to Europe in order to gain a more worldly understanding of successful slacking (my latest excuse for not updating the site in four months). All I can say is I love Siesta and Cruzcampo, Charles De Gaulle Airport is a creation of Lucifer and everyone in Croatia is taller than you. Oh, and I guess the European equivalent of Abercrombie and Old Navy is a store called "Springfield". Go figure. I'm already a child labor/sweatshop/household name over there. Built in marketing. Now if only they'd bite on my idea of "slackers" - a pair of jeans that look like slacks.
