Dear KP Springfield,

My successful slacker story isn't so much outrageous as it is inspirational for other aspiring successful slackers. I once worked with a guy named Boris, the ultimate overachiever. Boris was the biggest management bootlicker known to man, but he was going places and I could see it. Knowing that a diamond encrusted highway to slackerdom existed if I got tight with him, I decided to befriend the overachiever. I did favors for him, stopped by his cube every morning to crack a few jokes, talked positive about the company, and did everything you suggested in The Five Habits to build the Ferris Bueller likability factor. WIthin a few months, Boris was my new best friend even though I wouldn't be caught rotting away in a gutter outside of work with him.

Because he was on the fast track to management and was getting amazing review scores, Boris was my way in to the land of untouchable employees. As long as I did him right, he would make sure I was protected. I am not sure if this guy was dumb or gullible or both, but he never saw through to my true motives. Anyway, a short year later, Boris was not only a manager, but a director of this brand new business unit, and who did he hire as his most important "strategic" individual contributor? You guessed it. The mere fact that I had the word "strategic" in my job title meant that my job was essentially useless. That was it for me, I was in forever. With Boris drinking the company Kool-Aid doing his cheerleading routines, all I had to do was stand behind him and say, "Yeah, right on! Go team!". Two years later, the company went public, I made millions, and retired three months after.

I am writing this to you from my estate near Malibu on a stone patio overlooking the sparkling blue Pacific. Even though I retired before your book was released, I have read it three times over and have been singing its praises to all my friends who are hoping to achieve the same fortune that I was able to attain. Sure, there is a bit of luck involved, but I also believe you make your own luck. Now that the secrets of successful corporate slacking have been revealed, I sincerely wish the best to all who choose the path of the successful slacker. Thank you for your valuable contribution to corporate society.